Vampire ABCs

Okay, so I posted this on my blog today, but thought it belonged here too.  Even Kindergarten girls should be prepared to the reality of dating vampires…


A is for Abs, absolutely a must,
how else can a vampire earn a girl’s trust?

B is for blood, gooey and red,
all over your clothes and your shoes and the bed.

C is for coffin, a small place to sleep,
in the night if you’re near one, don’t make a peep.

D is for dead, have I mentioned that part?
You’ll never hear beating come from his heart.

E is for Exorcist, who in this case won’t work.
He isn’t possessed, just a bloodsucking jerk.

F is for fangs cause you know they are hot.
You love showing off those tiny red dots.

G is for gorgeous, remember the abs?
so beautiful you don’t care who he grabs.

H is for hollow, he’s empty inside,
You never should’ve asked him to confide.

I is for idiot, the girl that he dates,
He isn’t actually looking for an immortal mate.

J is for jugular, juicy and sweet,
he’s looking at yours, can you feel the heat?

K is for kiss, which you wish he would give.
Unfortunately for you, you probably won’t live.

L is for love, which you think you are in,
when it’s probably lust, love’s closest of kin.

M is for muscle, no wait that’s wrong.
It’s werewolves’ who’s show, though both are quite strong.

N is for noble, you wish that he were.
He’s misunderstood of that you are sure.

O is for ogle, you can’t help yourself.
You wish you could put him up on your shelf.

P is for painful, but which part is it?
That he’s just not that great or that you just got bit?

Q is for queen, that’s how he makes you feel,
too bad for you, it just isn’t real.

R is for ripped, oops once again-
that is werewolves, sorry my friend.

S is for sparkle out in the sun.
Okay so not all, maybe just one.

T is for terror he used to instill,
hard to find now no matter whom he might kill.

U is for undead, he’s a corpse, you recall?
Sorry for the buzz kill but come on y’all.

V is for vampire, obvious I know,
but I’ve still got four letters to go!

W is for werewolf as I’ve mentioned before,
guess that’s the sequel for those who want more.

X is for xylophone because that’s what it’s for,
not sure I could find much of anything more.

Y is for yummy, even I can’t deny,
You don’t have to jump him just cause he catches your eye.

Z is for zoo, the crowd he creates,
all the wild animals looking for dates.


About Lisa Gail Green

Lisa Gail Green would definitely have a werewolf for a pet if she weren't allergic. Visit her at to learn more about SOUL CROSSED (Feb. 25, 2015) and her other work.
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8 Responses to Vampire ABCs

  1. Shaky says:

    I really like this one a lot.
    Well done – lyrical humor/satire is much harder that it looks.

  2. Tim Keeton says:

    Excellent, Lisa!

    For “X”, you could use something like:

    X is for xenos, in Greek, it means “stranger,”
    if you don’t know him well, you could be in danger.

    Rhyme on!
    (Thus spake the Undead.)

  3. lisagailgreen says:

    Shaky – thanks!

    Tim – I bow to the master. That was AWESOME.

  4. Kavita says:

    that was absolutely delightful and lovely!!! So cleverly done…
    Although I am not tooooo sure if I can teach the kindergarten girls each one of those descriptions 😉

    LOVED it!

  5. lisagailgreen says:

    Kavita – *sighs* I suppose it can wait until, what? 2nd grade? He he he

  6. Jodi MacArthur says:

    This is fun! My favorite is U (of course- come on y’all)

    “U is for undead, he’s a corpse, you recall?
    Sorry for the buzz kill but come on y’all.”

  7. lisagailgreen says:

    Thanks Jodi! Yeah, I don’t know where I picked up the twang, but I like it.

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