Okay, so I posted this on my blog today, but thought it belonged here too. Even Kindergarten girls should be prepared to the reality of dating vampires…
THE VAMPIRE ABCs
A is for Abs, absolutely a must,
how else can a vampire earn a girl’s trust?
B is for blood, gooey and red,
all over your clothes and your shoes and the bed.
C is for coffin, a small place to sleep,
in the night if you’re near one, don’t make a peep.
D is for dead, have I mentioned that part?
You’ll never hear beating come from his heart.
E is for Exorcist, who in this case won’t work.
He isn’t possessed, just a bloodsucking jerk.
F is for fangs cause you know they are hot.
You love showing off those tiny red dots.
G is for gorgeous, remember the abs?
so beautiful you don’t care who he grabs.
H is for hollow, he’s empty inside,
You never should’ve asked him to confide.
I is for idiot, the girl that he dates,
He isn’t actually looking for an immortal mate.
J is for jugular, juicy and sweet,
he’s looking at yours, can you feel the heat?
K is for kiss, which you wish he would give.
Unfortunately for you, you probably won’t live.
L is for love, which you think you are in,
when it’s probably lust, love’s closest of kin.
M is for muscle, no wait that’s wrong.
It’s werewolves’ who’s show, though both are quite strong.
N is for noble, you wish that he were.
He’s misunderstood of that you are sure.
O is for ogle, you can’t help yourself.
You wish you could put him up on your shelf.
P is for painful, but which part is it?
That he’s just not that great or that you just got bit?
Q is for queen, that’s how he makes you feel,
too bad for you, it just isn’t real.
R is for ripped, oops once again-
that is werewolves, sorry my friend.
S is for sparkle out in the sun.
Okay so not all, maybe just one.
T is for terror he used to instill,
hard to find now no matter whom he might kill.
U is for undead, he’s a corpse, you recall?
Sorry for the buzz kill but come on y’all.
V is for vampire, obvious I know,
but I’ve still got four letters to go!
W is for werewolf as I’ve mentioned before,
guess that’s the sequel for those who want more.
X is for xylophone because that’s what it’s for,
not sure I could find much of anything more.
Y is for yummy, even I can’t deny,
You don’t have to jump him just cause he catches your eye.
Z is for zoo, the crowd he creates,
all the wild animals looking for dates.